GREEN VALLEY LAKE, CA — Local man Landon Collings, 45, heroically volunteered to do the most important part of Thanksgiving meal preparations this year: staying out of the kitchen so his wife, Carla, could actually get things done.
Collings successfully did his part by not going into the kitchen at all, just playing around on his smartphone, and "generally making himself scarce," according to sources.
"I'm not a hero or anything," he told reporters as he lounged outside the family cabin sipping a morning coffee. "We all have our part to play. My part is not to go into the kitchen where my wife will constantly be bumping into me and telling me to get out of the way. It's ain't much, but every little contribution helps."
Sources confirmed that Collings had learned his lesson in years past, when he would go into the kitchen and keep offering to help, only to have Carla get increasingly frustrated as he did things wrong, stood in all the wrong spots, and just generally annoyed her with his presence. So this year, he says, he's just gonna "kick back" and let the women of the family do their jobs without any interference from him.
"This is the kind of wisdom you only get with experience," he added, smiling, as he looked off into the distance. "Oh man, I bet the football game is on."
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!