KINGSPORT, TN — According to sources, a local man was seen at the store carrying a grocery basket like a dainty village girl skipping through the orchard picking apples.
"I just needed to get a few items!" the man said to reporters, defending his use of the adorable little grocery basket. "I was just being practical! I'm a man!"
The man was described by witnesses as prancing through the aisles, whistling a tune as if he were about to break out in song any minute. "I half expected him to drop the basket and start twirling and singing some folksy little village ditty like a little village girl," said local shopper Deborah Mathis. "I was shocked to see a man carrying a petite little girly basket in the crook of his arm. It was so cute."
Witnesses say the man also stopped to pick up some berries while frolicking through produce, which did not help his image.
Management at the store was surprised to hear customer complaints about a man prancing down the frozen aisle with a grocery basket. "That was a man?" said Assistant Manager Nathaniel Bilson. "I would never have guessed. You know, because of the basket."
At publishing time, the man was seen leaving the parking lot on a Vespa like a resident of a quaint seaside Italian town.
The USA undeniably trumps our neighbors to the north.
