Health
Man Can’t Wait To Get Vaccine So He Can Go Back To Isolating While Wearing A Mask But Now Doing So While Vaccinated

SAN DIEGO, CA—Carl Watson can’t wait to be finally vaccinated against COVID-19. “I’m just giddy with excitement,” he told reporters through a closed-door while wearing a mask. “As soon as I get both doses, the first thing I’m doing is putting on a mask and going back home to be completely isolated -- but I’ll be isolated while vaccinated, so I’ll be even safer!”

Watson is one of the millions of people desperately seeking the vaccine so they can go on and change no behavior whatsoever. “We can’t let our guard down just because we’re vaccinated and fully immune to the virus,” Watson said. “Now I can isolate with an even more focused intensity. I might start wearing three masks.”

While many unvaccinated people have gone back to living their lives as normal, those warier of the virus like Watson see behavior like that as murderous and evil. “Even with the vaccine, there’s still a minuscule chance I could get it or spread it,” Watson explained. “You never do things when there is a minuscule chance of harm. That’s why I never drive a car or take a shower, since I could slip and die. That’s just being courteous.”

Watson may make one trip out after getting the vaccine: to Home Depot to buy bricks and mortar for the purpose of immurement. “Vaccinated and permanently sealed inside a brick wall,” Watson mused. “You can’t follow CDC guidelines any better than that.”

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