AUSTIN, TX—Leon Miller is usually careful to never handle his wife’s purse, but the other day while walking through the mall his wife asked him if he could hold her purse real quick while she returned something at the store. Miller obliged, but after taking possession of the purse, he was unable to find his wife and was stuck holding it until he was no longer a man.
“Usually my policy is to never handle the purse more than to quickly hand it to her,” explained Miller, whose pronouns are now she/her. “But I was stuck, standing there holding it, quickly becoming emasculated. I should have just chucked it in the trash.”
Gender experts agree that Miller is now a woman and that there is nothing she can do about it. “Social scientists generally agree that if you ever hold a purse for more than ten seconds, you are now a woman, exactly the same as any other woman,” said gender studies professor Jana Reed. “And it’s transphobic to say otherwise.”
Miller’s friends and family seem to be very accepting, but that just seems to be annoying Miller. “I’m still a man, right?” she said. “This is all making me feel very frustrated.” A horrible thought struck her. “Oh no! I’m sharing my feelings!”