NEW YORK CITY — In the wake of U.S. attacks on Iran, Mayor Zohran Mamdani has vowed to launch retaliatory strikes on Bernie's Kosher Delicatessen.
Mamdani stated that after receiving a super-confidential briefing on the situation in Iran, he made the bold decision to direct a forceful response against the deli on 54th Street.
"Bernie will pay for this," said Mamdani. "There won't be a kosher pickle left when I am done with it. Bernie and his kosher deli must answer for the evil actions of the U.S. military against Iran. Prepare to reap the fury, Bernie!"
According to sources, Bernie's Kosher Delicatessen has been in business for 47 years, with a reputation for excellent reuben sandwiches. "Bernie's is awesome. Great pastrami," said local resident Donald McGrath. "I hope they have a miniature Iron Dome or something. It would be a shame to lose the place over a war in Iran."
At publishing time, Mamdani had expanded the assault lines to include all of the regional banks.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
