CAMBRIDGE, MA — As institutions for higher education search for new ways to expand the skills and knowledge offered to students, Harvard University has announced its new instructor, former Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot, will be teaching a class on how to be a horrific failure at your job and still be hired to teach a class at Harvard University.
"She's the world's leading authority on the subject," said Harvard University President Claudine Gay. "When it comes to being an unmitigated failure at a prominent job and falling backward into a lucrative teaching position at the highest-regarded university in the nation, Lori Lightfoot is truly unparalleled."
Following a disastrous four-year term as Mayor of Chicago, Lightfoot will now look to bring her wealth of experience in destroying everything in her path to the Harvard classroom. "It is my distinct honor to teach this class," Lightfoot said. "I view it as a tremendous opportunity to prepare students to become abject failures in whatever path they take in life before returning to make an enormous salary teaching at Harvard."
Preliminary reports indicate the course will penalize students who obtain higher grades and reward students who fail as much as possible.
At publishing time, Harvard University sources indicated the school was already thrilled with the results of Lightfoot's lectures, as only seven students were shot during the first week.
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