AKRON, OH — Ever since changing over to the Jesus Storybook Bible, local man Dan Smith has been totally dominating his Bible-In-A-Year plan.
"Three chapters of Genesis? No problem!" exclaimed Mr. Smith. "Watch me knock this out in thirty seconds. This new Bible is incredible!"
After never making the two-week mark in previous attempts to read the Bible in a year, Mr. Smith has thus far remained right on schedule. "My five-year-old niece was kind enough to loan me her copy to get started, and it's been a total game-changer," said Mr. Smith. "Honestly, I've never understood the stories so well in my entire life. Plus, the pictures are so good! They really keep me going."
Mr. Smith has proudly posted his reading schedule on the refrigerator, and crossed each day off once he's finished. "I am really proud of him sticking to this," said Mrs. Smith. "Some days, the readings are an entire page! I've had aspirations to do one of those plans, but honestly I'm not sure I'm ready to take on the Jesus Storybook Bible in just one year. I'll probably start with Baby's Hug-A-Bible and see how that goes."
At publishing time, Mr. Smith had gotten so engrossed in one of the Old Testament stories that he accidentally read three weeks ahead of schedule.
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: