LEXINGTON, KY — Children of devout congregants are in for a treat later this month as a local church announced it would host a fun "Jan 6"-themed edition of Vacation Bible School this summer.
Abundant River Church promised to recreate all the most beloved and exciting features of the January 6, 2021 Capitol riot, giving kids the opportunity to "storm the church" and experience what it was like on the day democracy itself came under attack by unarmed protesters.
"Stage an ‘insurrection' for Jesus this year!" said VBS coordinator Stacy Jenkins. "On the morning of the first day, every child will receive a red MAGA baseball cap and a small American flag to wave as they gather outside the church building. From there, the doors will be opened and the kids will be welcomed and waved in by VBS volunteers dressed as U.S. Capitol Police officers!"
Children of Abundant River Church are eager to spend the week engaging in seditious behavior. "It's going to be so much fun!" said fourth-grader Daniel Langford. "I heard there will be grown-ups posing as kids outside the church riling up the crowd and urging all the kids to enter the building. And once we get inside, we'll get to calmly stroll through the halls of the church, pose for selfies, and carry around the pastor's pulpit! I can't wait!"
At publishing time, Jenkins confirmed that children caught misbehaving at VBS would be placed in solitary confinement without any due process, just like the real Jan 6 protesters.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions