Politics
Liquor Stores Win The 2020 Election

U.S.—As the country nervously awaits the results of the election, surprising results are emerging from informal exit polls across the nation. According to exit polls, one clear winner is emerging from the 2020 election: liquor stores.

"Yeah, I just voted," said Philly local Jack Broward as he snagged 5 or 6 bottles of whiskey from the shelf. "If you'll please excuse me, I have to go home and drink all of these now."

Industry analysts confirm that liquor stores have seen an increase in business leading up to the election of over 32,000%. Experts predict that growth will only continue as election week drags on.

There are several other industries expecting big wins coming out of the election as well. Food distributors are stocking up on cheesecake and ice cream in case of a Trump win, and gun manufacturers are stocking up on ammo in case of a Biden win.

Smith & Wesson is offering an election value pack that includes a cheesecake, an assault rifle, and a liter of Jack Daniels. According to sources, they sold out in 12 seconds. 

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