WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the fallout of recent events, witnesses on Capitol Hill reported seeing one Libertarian politician Googling "What is the absolute dumbest take possible?" before deciding what side of an issue to come down on.
With varying political opinions being offered on every hot-button topic of the day, the Libertarian politician reportedly wanted to make sure he could place himself squarely on the worst side of the issue and firmly remove himself from being taken seriously by voters.
"I have to be as far from rational as I can be," he told his aides. "Whatever the most sane, logical, and wise side there is on this particular issue, I need to find the polar opposite and take that position instead. There's no room for levelheadedness here. Yes, there are perfectly normal takes on this matter, but I'm a Libertarian. I can't take any stance that makes actual, real-world sense."
The politician's staff said this was his standard practice whenever a major issue arose in the public discourse. "He works hard to find the dumbest take possible on everything," one aide said. "You'll never find a more principled, dedicated public servant who is more devoted to both sticking doggedly to the Constitution while also offering up the most bizarrely hair-brained positions on what would otherwise seem to be very clear, black-and-white issues. His constituents can count on him to always determine the best, wisest take, and run in the opposite direction."
At publishing time, the Libertarian politician had issued a statement that he was proposing a wildly unpopular piece of legislation that would have no earthly hope of garnering any support among the general public.
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