MANCHESTER, NH—As tensions between the right and left continue to increase in the midst of Donald Trump’s controversial presidency, local libertarian man Alan Bardo announced Friday he’s just gonna kick back and enjoy watching faith in our government institutions crumble.
Bardo stated he’s been very pleased with Trump’s performance so far, since the public’s reverence for both the office of the presidency and the federal government as a whole has plummeted since he was sworn in.
“I’m gonna pop some popcorn, sit back, and just really savor this whole thing,” he said cheerily as he turned his TV to CNN and his iPhone to a Fox News live stream. “Ha, look at these CNN clowns starting to question whether the president should have so much power. I love it!”
“The right is attacking the FBI and CIA, the left is attacking the president—this truly is the best timeline,” he said, misty-eyed.
The man told reporters he went through a “dark period” during the Obama administration, as the former president’s civil, calm demeanor didn’t often cause the public to question the entire validity of the presidential office in the first place. “Dude was bombing seven countries and rapidly expanding executive powers, and no one batted an eye because he was ‘regal’ and ‘presidential.’ I’m just glad we’ve got a crass guy like Trump in the Oval Office again, so that people will begin to question why we treat the president like some kind of king.”
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.