U.S. — According to sources, American liberals across the country were struggling to remember what they were so mad about last week.
Liberals expressed doubt and confusion this week, admitting that they knew they were mad about something the previous week but just couldn't for the life of them figure out what it was. "Honestly, we're just mad all the time," confirmed Dana Beasley of California. "It could have been about anything."
"Was it taxes? Maybe it was taxes. I mean, not getting taxed enough, obviously," said Chris Mathis, a lifelong Democrat. "I know I was really mad about something."
Earlier this week was Election Day, which has caused some liberals to think that it might have had something to do with it. "I always get fired up for elections, but if I'm being honest, things have been pretty good. The cost of eggs is down — like way down — and America's future has never felt brighter," said well-known media personality Tucker Carlson. "But I just know I was mad about something. Maybe the Jews?"
Republicans in Congress had reportedly tried to remind their Democratic colleagues that the government was still shut down and that might be a good reason to be upset, but liberals assured them that wasn't it. "We like creating problems for everyday Americans, that's kind of our thing," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "In fact, that's the one thing I was happy about last week."
Exactly what liberals were mad about remains a mystery. Some have suggested there wasn't anything in particular, that "liberals be mad," but others insisted there must be some method to their madness. For now, though, the jury was still out.
At publishing time, liberals realized they were mad about the postponed release of Grand Theft Auto VI.
What happens when a politically divided family sit down for a "peaceful" dinner?
