PORTLAND, OR — Sources close to Carole Chevonne, an Oregon native, said that the "Free Gaza" activist and part-time barista is unsure which gender this weird new red, white, and blue Pride flag represents.
Chevonne reportedly grew confused after walking through an unfamiliar part of town and seeing several of the strange banners hanging on various houses.
"Let's see, that looks like…uh, ambigender?" Chevonne reportedly mused, quickly pulling up a list of current genders on her phone. "And the blue is, er…demi-boy? Demi-woman? Genderfluidous? What about those little white stars? Is that falafal? Omnigynous? Femmebat? Oh my Science, I've actually got no idea what this flag means! Which one is queer? Is that little white stripe for Palestine or for pansexuality?"
According to neighbors, Chevonne hesitated for several minutes before giving up and flying every single Pride flag she owned in the house, just in case. Several report that she shrugged and allegedly stated, "I can't get in trouble for flying them all, right?"
At publishing time, however, Chevronne learned to her horror that the flag was a fascist flag often used by the far-right.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
