CHICAGO, IL—Kraft Singles are an American pastime, as wholesome as playing cowboys and Indians or shooting beer cans.
But even Kraft is getting in on the Black Lives Matter Blackout movement, changing their cheese to black squares in solidarity with those fighting injustice.
"If you still eat our orange cheese, you are a racist," said Kraft's founder, Bob Kraft. "People who care about inequality and want to stand in solidarity with our black brothers and sisters will only eat our new Kraft Singles: Blackout Edition. Yes, we have consulted with racial injustice experts and they all confirmed you should throw away all your current Kraft products and buy this new Kraft product."
"There's delicious virtue in every bite."
Unfortunately, Kraft has also confirmed that when BLM is out of the news again, you will have to throw out all your Kraft Singles Blackout Edition and buy the new Kraft Singles Rainbow Edition to keep up with the times.
At publishing time, sources at Kraft had confirmed that they actually just stopped dying their naturally black cheese orange.