MINAS TIRITH — A portion of the White City was reportedly demolished by King Aragorn to make way for a new ballroom, sparking criticism from the city's nobles and peasantry.
"You probably hear the beautiful sound of construction in the back," the king said as he met with dignitaries from abroad. "You hear that sound? Oh, that's music to my ears. I love that sound. They're putting the finishing touches on a big, beautiful ballroom, which we've needed for probably 100 years in Minas Tirith."
A portion of Merethrond, the great hall, was demolished within the Citadel to expand the feasting hall into an awe-inspiring ballroom capable of accommodating upwards of 1,000 men or 3,000 hobbits. King Aragorn said that the ballroom was vital for hosting dignitaries and improving diplomatic ties with the peoples of Middle-earth. Unfortunately, because Merethrond had long served as a central venue for royal gatherings, even playing host to King Éomer of Rohan and his knights to commemorate their victory in the War of the Ring, many have criticized the king's callous dismissal of history, even expressing concerns that the ballroom's construction would damage the White Tree of Gondor.
"It will be near it but not touching it, and pays total respect to the existing tree, which I'm the biggest fan of," the king said regarding the ballroom's close proximity to the White Tree. "It's going to be an incredible view."
But the king's continued assurances did little to stem the growing criticism from those still loyal to the house of Denethor II, the former Steward of Gondor. "He means to destroy the most ancient parts of the city to make room for his vanity project," said Bergil Beregond, a blacksmith who lives on the lower levels. "Denethor never would have done such a thing."
Aragorn continued to defend the ballroom, arguing that its construction was part of the city's overall restoration following the War of the Ring. "A lot of the city was damaged in the Battle of the Pelennor Fields," King Aragorn said. "Wow. What a battle. Rohan lost its great general. Wow. Never fight uphill, me boys. Never fight uphill. Théoden said that. What a guy."
At publishing time, King Aragorn blasted town criers who continued to criticize him for shouting fake news.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
