ORLANDO, FL — The much-publicized legal tug-of-war over his deportation finally paid off for illegal alien Kilmar Abrego Garcia, as he announced that he was using all the frequent flyer miles he racked up during the ordeal to take a killer Disney vacation.
Following the latest ruling in which a federal judge ordered him to be released from custody after multiple failed attempts by the government to deport him, Abrego Garcia had reportedly earned more than enough airline reward miles to redeem them for the Disney vacation he had dreamed of his whole life.
"It's nice to get something nice out of this mess," he told reporters after he arrived in Orlando for his vacation. "This year has been really stressful, with the government constantly trying to ship me back to Venezuela or El Salvador or Uganda or whatever. Thankfully, I was able to rack up an insane number of frequent flyer miles. Now I'm going to spend the next week living it up at Disney World and Epcot Center. This type of trip ain't cheap, but thanks to the U.S. government and the corrupt federal judiciary, I'm getting to experience it for free. I guess crime really does pay after all."
According to Abrego Garcia's legal team, their defendant was happy to take the reward after his trying ordeal. "He deserves it," said attorney Harold Garber. "He's put in a lot of time and effort, from entering the country illegally, engaging in human trafficking, exploiting the legal system, and occasionally beating his wife. He needs to take some time to unwind."
At publishing time, Abrego Garcia had reportedly been arrested by federal agents again while waiting in line for the Millennium Falcon: Smuggler's Run ride.
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