DAVOS — World Economic Forum President Børge Brende personally invited John the Baptist to speak at their annual meeting Tuesday after uncovering his propensity for eating disgusting bugs and owning nothing while being happy. The unkempt prophet, who arrived dressed in camel's hair, was the key speaker in a discussion about the benefits of eating locusts.
"They taste great with honey," said the voice of one crying in the wilderness. "It's really not as gross as you'd think. It's pure protein!"
Members of the elite applauded the prophet of the living God despite their intention to never eat any locusts themselves.
"This will be a great way to save the world from peasants," said WEF founder and executive chairman Klaus Schwab. "Now we will have an exclusive claim on Omaha Steaks. Yum!"
Though initially well received, the speech quickly soured after the prophet of the living God began calling the audience to repentance. "REPENT from your sins and be baptized in the Holy Spirit! The kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Flee from the wrath to come!"
"Boo!" cried European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen. "Boooo! We are perfect!"
"You brood of vipers!" John said. "Do not think to say to yourselves, 'I am elite.' For I say to you that God is able to raise up the elite from these stones!"
At publishing time, Bill Gates had reportedly demanded John the Baptist's head on a silver platter.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: