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John Piper Commentates World Series

LOS ANGELES, CA—Fox Sports has tapped Pastor John Piper to commentate the World Series, and fans gave rave reviews of his performance announcing the first game of the contest between the LA Dodgers and the Houston Astros Tuesday night.

An animated Piper gave insightful commentary on the plays and criticized both the players and crowd for “wasting their lives” throughout the game.

When Chris Taylor hit a solo shot off the first pitch the Dodgers faced, Piper was ready with insightful color commentary: “Just think of how much time you would have to waste in your one-and-only, precious, God-given life to learn how to go yard off a lights-out pitcher like Keuchel,” he said solemnly, waving his arms around like a man stranded on a desert island trying to signal a ship.

“There goes another man wasting his life swinging a piece of wood at a ball,” he said as Justin Turner crushed a go-ahead, two-run homer into the left-field bleachers in the bottom of the 6th. “And for some reason a crowd full of people, also wasting their lives, are cheering like mad.”

“I just want to remind the audience that none of this will go into eternity,” he added as he passionately pleaded with the audience to turn their attention to things that mattered.

Piper grew more and more agitated as the game went on, noting that everyone in the audience could have read through most of the gospels in the New Testament rather than spending two and a half hours watching a baseball game, and even clocked Joe Buck in the face with an errant arm on two or three occasions.

“Only what’s done for Christ will last,” he said as he signed off the broadcast.

You can tune in to Fox at 5:09 PST tonight to watch John Piper criticize the short-sighted priorities and lack of Christ-centered convictions evident in game 2 as the Astros attempt to answer the Dodgers’ 1-0 lead with legendary pitcher Justin Verlander.