Entertainment Politics U.S.
John Bolton Stays Up Late Nuking All The Peaceful Countries In 'Civilization VI'

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources close to incoming National Security Advisor designate John Bolton, the diplomat and politician worked a late night at the office Monday, staying up into the early morning hours nuking other countries in popular 4X PC game Sid Meier’s Civilization VI.

Bolton refused to research any techs except those that would allow him to unlock the game’s nuclear weapons, and ignored the opposing AI players’ offers of peace in favor of turning their civilizations into glowing green wastelands.

“Suck on this, Gandhi!” Bolton reportedly bellowed at his computer screen as he dropped “the big one” on one rival empire, cackling madly as he lovingly watched the flames rise higher and higher on his opponent’s capital city. “Yes, yeeeeeesss!!! Burn, baby, burn! All that’s left of your pathetic legacy will be ashes and the fading knowledge that your miserable existence is in flames! Hahahaaa!!”

Bolton’s associates tried to get him to leave the office and go home to get some sleep, but Bolton reportedly insisted on getting in “just one more turn,” according to sources. The diplomat continued to repeatedly click all over the screen, building more and more military units and devoting all his empire’s resources into nukes.

“John’s really been pushing it to the limit in preparation for his new role in the White House. He gets a little scary when he gets really into a Civ game,” one associate told reporters. “He spent the second half of the ’90s nuking the Celtics and Vikings in Civilization II. It’s where he got most of his foreign policy from.”

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