SALEM CENTER, NY—A federal investigation into a college admissions scandal has revealed that student Jubilation "Jubilee" Lee's parents may have paid up to $6 million to help her cheat her way into Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters.
Lee's parents paid off testing organizations and several teachers and faculty at the school in order to get her considered for enrollment, sources confirmed.
"We started to get suspicious when a student whose only accomplishment is the ability to shoot fireworks out of her hands was admitted to the school," one FBI agent said. "I mean, the school has students who can blast out ice and fire, control your mind, and move at incredible speeds. So when we saw Lee chewing gum and shooting off fireworks as though that's some kind of academic achievement, we knew something was up."
"It's like, fireworks---really? Come on."
Similar investigations have been opened up into how on earth Captain Marvel was inducted into the MCU and how Aquaman made it onto the Justice League.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.