ANAHEIM, CA — Local man Tom Reynolds decided to forego shelling out thousands of dollars for the Apple Vision Pro and instead simply affix a sign to his forehead declaring, "I am a complete tool".
"I went back and forth," explained Reynolds of his decision. "The Apple Vision Pro is a much more subtle way to communicate the message that I'm a giant tool, but three-and-a-half thousand bucks is a lot to pay for subtlety. Might as well just come out and say it: I am a massive, unbelievable tool."
Despite holdouts like Reynolds, Apple has found a niche market for the Vision Pro among people with a large amount of disposable income and the desire to communicate to others that they are enormous tools. "I see these videos of people wearing Vision Pros, making total fools of themselves, and I just can't find it in me to throw out that kind of cash to let people know I'm a schmuck," said Reynolds. "I can accomplish the same thing for free given a scrap of paper and a marker. It's just not worth it."
Though primarily used to communicate one's foolishness to the world, the Vision Pro does have other uses. "Personally, I wear it so people know they can mug me, and I'll never know who did it," said local woman Ashley Harding. "For years, I've been searching for a way to let people on the subway know that I have thousands of dollars' worth of merchandise on my person and am totally blind. Thankfully, I found the Vision Pro."
At publishing time, Reynolds had also decided against purchasing an Apple Watch and instead affixed a tag on his wrist reading, "I am super gay".
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions