CHICAGO, IL — Consumers across America were shocked and elated to land huge deals after finding out Dyson vacuums would be briefly on sale for the low, low price of just $7000 this Black Friday.
According to several surprised early Christmas shoppers, the price of the high-end vacuum had been slashed to just $6,999.99 from its normal price of just under $10,000.00. Consumers said Dyson vacuums hadn't even been this cheap before, leading them to jump on the deal.
"Oh my goodness, just $7000? For a Dyson?" asked Melinda Jones, a Cincinnati resident, upon finding out about the sale. "Jeff, cancel that mortgage payment — we might finally be able to afford a Dyson vacuum after all! Hallelujah... you've got to love Black Friday."
The absurdly low price of the Dyson cleaner quickly led to it being sold out at Target, Walmart, and Amazon.
"I just missed it," said disappointed housewife Jenna Briggs. "I knew I should have gotten up at 4:00 this morning instead of 5:30. I can't believe this. Stupid, stupid, stupid — now I'll have to buy it at the usual price of $9,999.99 instead and tell little Madison that we can't afford her insulin for the next few months."
Sources at Dyson said next year's Black Friday deal may allow consumers to pick up a vacuum for the discounted price of just one of their kidneys.
At publishing time, female shoppers around the country had been elated to find a two-pack Owala water bottle set on sale for just $450.
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
