SPRINGFIELD, IL — As news of the passing of beloved music legend Dolly Parton reverberated across America, tributes began pouring in from all over the country, including a touching memorial from a local man who said he would honor her by attempting to work all the way from 9 to 5.
Jim Martin made the stirring eulogy, posting a thoughtful message on social media and pledging to honor Parton's passing by doing everything within his power to work the entire day on Wednesday.
"I don't know if I can do it, but for Dolly, I'm going to try," Martin said. "She was such an inspiration to millions of people. Not just through her music, but also by setting an example that, with incredible grit and determination, a human being can work from 9:00 to 5:00. I never would have thought it was possible, but if Dolly can sing a song about it and appear in a hit film of the same name, then I owe it to her to make a run at it myself. It's something I've never come close to doing before. Wish me luck."
While Martin's tribute was praised, many who know him expressed skepticism that he would be able to pull it off. "It's a noble aspiration, but come on, it's Jim," said Paul Erickson, who has known Martin for 25 years. "He's just getting caught up in the sentiment of Dolly's death, so he probably wasn't thinking clearly. No way he's able to do this."
At publishing time, the nation's Jolenes had issued a collective statement pledging to honor Parton by holding a 24-hour period of not trying to steal anyone's man.
The Babylon Bee finally exposes everything about the Jews in this documentary of hard-hitting investigative journalism.