ALBANY, NY—As chants of "Let's Go Brandon" spread around the country, many Democrats have expressed concern over treating the office of President with such disrespect.
"I dunno... I just don't think we should be disrespecting the President of the United States like that," said local Democrat Camden Spudfuffle, who at the time was wearing a "F--- Trump" t-shirt. "We should always respect our leaders, even if we don't always agree with them. I think it's always important to remain dignified in our speech and treatment of public servants. I have never disrespected anyone!"
Spudfuffle then caught a glimpse of Trump on a nearby TV screen and shrieked at the sky before attacking the TV with a baseball bat while screaming obscenities.
Experts have found a strange correlation between people who find "Let's Go Brandon" disrespectful and those who screamed "F--- Trump" over the last four years and who want Donald Trump to die a horrible fiery death.
"It's important that we remain civil," said Spudfuffle as he stood above the smoking wreckage of the TV. He then saw a man walk by in a MAGA hat and pepper-sprayed him in the face.
In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.