CHRISTOWN, GA—Local man Timothy Anderson assured his wife, Staci, that he would get around to fixing the leaky faucet during the next once-in-a-lifetime pandemic that shuts down the economy and forces everyone to stay in their homes indefinitely.
"The next time the government shuts everything down, honey, I promise I'll dig out my toolbox and get right on it," he said as he plopped down on the couch for some Red Dead Redemption 2. "I'm just really busy right now. I could really use another one of these pandemic things to give me the time to take care of basic household maintenance."
"Just as soon as another cataclysmic outbreak occurs, I'm on it."
Later on, Anderson confided in reporters that he sometimes feels Staci is being really unreasonable. "I mean, just because I'm home all day doing nothing doesn't mean I have all the time in the world to do some easy household repairs," he said. "I love her and everything, but sometimes she can be a little over-the-top. What's next? Am I supposed to change the year-old oil in the car? It's like, lay off me a little bit."
"There's always the next pandemic."