U.S. — Baseball fans across the country rent their garments and cried out in anguish tonight, asking the Almighty God how long they must suffer after the Los Angeles Dodgers swept the Milwaukee Brewers to once again advance to the World Series.
The nation, which took the Dodgers' victory as further evidence that America continues to live under God's wrathful judgment, lifted up a collective lament to ask the Lord when He would turn away from his anger and strike down the unrighteous.
"How long, O Lord, will the wicked prosper?" one sorrowful fan was heard shouting as he wept. "They pour out arrogant words, all the evildoers boast. They crush other teams, O Lord, and afflict our favorite franchises. When will you let us see your face again, God? When will we be saved from the Dodgers?"
Reports of people sitting in sackcloth and covering their heads with ashes came in from all across the United States on Friday night, as long-suffering baseball fans held out hope that they would one day be rescued from their troubles. "Surely the Lord will not be angry with us forever," another fan said. "I know the day of our redemption draws near, when the clouds will break, the light of blessing will shine down upon us, and some team other than the Dodgers will win the World Series. Oh, for another team to be victorious! Please, not the Yankees, though."
At publishing time, it had been confirmed that every baseball fan outside the city of Los Angeles was ready to root for the American League in the World Series.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
