WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretary of HHS Robert F. Kennedy Jr. ordered an airstrike on a cargo ship full of Tylenol attempting to reach the American coast.
Declassified video showed Predator drones striking the ship with multiple Hellfire missiles, sending the ship and its five tons of Tylenol to the bottom of the sea.
"Autism, defeated," announced Kennedy. "We received reports of a cargo ship carrying massive amounts of acetaminophen, commonly known as Tylenol, attempting to reach an American port. The organization involved, known as the American Red Cross, had planned to move the Tylenol to several distribution sites across the country. The U.S. Navy saw to it that these drugs never made it to the American Red Cross and onto our streets."
According to government sources, the strike will be followed by a ground assault on the Tylenol manufacturing plant in Pennsylvania. "We're going to put that model train industry out of business once and for all," said Kennedy, as tanks amassed for the attack. "No more people at baseball games filling in their little scorecards. Ah, it's going to a beautiful new world."
At publishing time, Kennedy had directed Seal Team Six to take down a food coloring manufacturing plant in Delaware.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
