HOLLYWOOD, CA — Mere hours after Hillary Clinton publicly condemned the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences' Barbie snubs, the film industry was left in shock as the iconic Oscar statue was found dead in an apparent suicide.
"No one saw this tragedy coming," said Detective Bob Sparks. "Officers responded to an anonymous call this afternoon informing them that Mr. Oscar may be in a state of mental and emotional distress. When the officers arrived on the scene, they found Mr. Oscar hanging from the ceiling and unresponsive. Attempts to revive Mr. Oscar were unsuccessful. We have no further information at this time."
Though the investigation was still ongoing, authorities announced that all indications pointed to Oscar taking his own life. Unfortunately, all the security footage in the auditorium at the time of the statue's death was destroyed.
Close friends of the Oscar statue reported no warning signs or red flags leading up to his death. "He had so much to live for and seemed so happy," one friend said. "I never would have suspected that he would take his own life. It just doesn't add up."
At publishing time, a police department spokesperson had just announced that a journalist who had asked police to comment on any potential connection between the Oscar statue suicide and Hillary Clinton had also been found dead of an apparent suicide.
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