GREENVILLE, SC—As Halloween approaches, haunted house attractions and extreme horror experiences are competing for the crown of "most horrifying haunted house in the country." According to horror enthusiasts, a new attraction called Maskless Murder Mansion has left the competition in the dust with a twisted new vision of horror: an old mansion filled with regular people who happen to not be wearing masks.
"Yeah we know this is really messed up stuff," said Zach McDongle, owner and mastermind behind the attraction. "So far, no one has had the courage to make it all the way through."
For anyone brave enough to purchase a ticket, the terrors that await include a friendly businessman who will try to shake your hand, college students without masks, and kindly middle-aged women who will approach you at a distance less than 6 feet.
"The final room is the worst," said McDongle. "Here we have an anti-vax Karen who will try to hug you and an elderly grandmother who will try to offer you cookies and a peck on the cheek. So far, no one has made it through that room."
McDongle assured the public that all his staff is tested and cleared before entering the grounds so there is no actual danger to participants. Still, everyone who enters will be required to sign a waiver consenting to "extreme psychological trauma."
Next year, they are planning an even more extreme experience where all the workers dress as Trump voters.