HOLLYWOOD, CA — Disney executives shocked the entertainment world earlier today when they announced a new film titled "Jumpy The Homo-Punching Kangaroo," an apparent attempt to win back conservative viewers they've lost over the past few years.
"We've listened to our customers and we think we know what they want," Disney producer Karen Myers commented. "They're sick of us pushing a social agenda down their throats and would like a good, family-friendly movie that reflects their values. We're excited to announce Jumpy The Homo-punching Kangaroo and think it will really resonate with our fan base."
"Conservatives hate gays, right? We're pretty sure they'll love this new character!" said Disney CEO Bob Iger. "Please come back conservatives. Give us your money again."
Jumpy is set to be released late in 2025 and features the adventures of a lovable cartoon kangaroo who runs around punching gays straight in the face. So far, Disney reports focus groups are responding positively to the film and hope it becomes an instant classic.
"We think Jumpy is a character that will become as iconic as Donald Duck, Minnie and Mickey, and Clarabell the Cow," Myers said. "The movie has a very simple plot sure to resonate with the youngest of viewers; Jumpy pretty much just goes around punching homos, eating an all-red-meat diet, and listening to Joe Rogan."
At publishing time, Disney also announced a new children's show called "Susie Squirrel the Baptist Home-Schooling Trad Wife" aimed at winning back more traditional conservatives.
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