RICHARDSON, TX—Local homophobic bigot Dan Carlton was minding his own business, surfing the web on his laptop Tuesday afternoon when his whole world changed.
Carlton was idly scrolling down his Facebook feed when he saw a corporate logo changed to include rainbow colors, signifying the multi-billion-dollar company's ostensible support of the LGBT movement.
"Well, now that PlayStation, Xbox, and AT&T are gay, I guess I've got to give in," he said. "I was on the fence when I saw that GameStop and Nike were on board, but knowing that massive, faceless corporations support the movement, it's impossible to resist."
The man went immediately went outside and symbolically, but also literally, burned his "God Hates Fags" signs. He then went to a local gay bar and apologized to all the gay people he could find, hugging each one of them and saying he was sorry for all the homophobic memes, quotes, and jokes he had shared on his social media accounts in the past. They were frightened but warmed up to him when he showed them his LGBT PRIDE shirt he bought at Target on the way over.
"Forgive me---I knew not what I did."