U.S. - Leading scholars believe that the angel who saved Daniel in the lion's den used a red laser pointer to distract the vicious cats.
The hungry lions could not help but chase the uncatchable red dot, distracting them throughout the night until Daniel was freed.
"Though the angel could have used a flaming sword to terrify them, the laser pointer was much more entertaining," explained Bible scholar Jonas Marks. "No kitty can resist the allure of the red laser dot, not even a vicious lion. It was both humane and delightful."
The angel reportedly also brought an oversized ball of yarn and a fishing pole with a rubber mouse on the string. "The fishing pole is so classic. Daniel got to just sit back and watch the show," explained Marks. "When King Nebuchadnezzar checked in the morning, he found Daniel guffawing as he took a turn reeling away the fake mouse."
At publishing time, scholars had also announced that angels had lured the "big fish" toward Jonah with a Heddon Torpedo top water lure.
After a slight mixup, Steve, Timpani, and Britunni end up at the Alamo instead of the Alamo Car Rental. Protestors block their way out and Timpani is going into labor!
