TOPEKA, KS — The Holy Spirit remained trapped inside First Methodist of Topeka this week after local acolyte Boone Taylor forgot to walk the flame back out of the sanctuary at the end of the 10 a.m. service.

After entering the service and alighting upon the two candles on the altar, the Holy Spirit then watched helplessly as 9-year-old Boone completely forgot to retrieve the flame. With an ensuing potluck lunch, the sanctuary emptied out within only a few minutes, leaving the Holy Spirit stuck on the altar.

As congregants continued on their way, several noticed a distinct lack of help in following the precepts of Christ over the coming hours. "It feels like I had a Helper who just went missing," said parishioner Jamie Laramie. "It's like there's this Ghost that's been with me, and all of a sudden is gone. I wonder what it means?"

At publishing time, the janitorial staff had finally discovered the whereabouts of the missing third member of the Trinity.