WASHINGTON, D.C. - U.S health officials have noticed what appears to be a growing crisis among transwomen: rampant infertility. A very disturbing report shows that not one transwoman has ever successfully become pregnant.

"Transwomen are women the same as any other women," said Grant Leonard, a spokesman for the National Institutes of Health, "so it's very odd that they can't seem to get pregnant. We have our top people looking into this."

Researchers initially used science and reason when looking into the cause of this crisis, but that led to a number of problematic findings, so they were quickly abandoned. Researchers are instead now relying simply on feelings. "This feels really wrong," said one researcher. "I mean, they're women like any other women so they should be able to get pregnant."

With the abandonment of science, any technical solution seems infeasible, but researchers have come up with another proposed solution: redefine the word "pregnant" like they did "woman" so transwomen can be that as well. "Old science doesn't hold a candle to just having a dictionary and some whiteout," said Leonard.