CAMBRIDGE, MA — Notorious Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh will soon be relocating to the U.S. as a Senior Fellow at Harvard University in the field of international relations.

"We are honored to welcome such an austere scholar to these hallowed halls," said Harvard President Claudine Gay. "Mr. Haniyeh brings with him a wealth of knowledge and experience in diplomacy, public relations, and terrorizing innocent Jews — all things we prize highly here at Harvard. We know his valuable and unique perspective will expand the young minds who come here to learn."

Sources say the position will add to the diversity of the staff and provide Haniyeh with a salary of $780,000 per year.

"Inshallah, I hope to remain in this position for years to come, molding young minds to seek the glory of martyrdom as they spill the blood of the Jews," said Haniyeh. "Death to Israel and death to America. Allahu Akbar."

At publishing time, President Gay had politely asked Haniyeh to please stop throwing rocks at Jews in the quad.

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