BOISE, ID — According to sources, the guy standing in front of you at the gas station right now is buying lotto tickets, cigarettes, and also applying for a home mortgage loan.
He's been standing at the counter for what seems to be several hours now, filling out various forms, while taking the occasional break to scratch one of his lotto tickets and ask the clerk to pick out another carton of cigarettes.
Eyewitnesses claimed to have seen you mutter something under your breath as you clutched a bottle of water, which was your only reason for stopping at the convenience store.
"Yeah, gimme one of the Crazy Cash tickets and three of the High Roller Heaven tickets," the guy said while writing his address and Social Security number on a piece of paper in hopes of being approved for a low-interest loan, which is now apparently being offered at the checkout counter of 7-Eleven. "You have any Camel Menthols? No? Could you check in the back?"
An anonymous source familiar with the situation claimed you were now questioning all your life choices as your muscles began to cramp up from standing behind this guy for what seemed to be several hours.
At publishing time, the guy in front of you looked like he was almost done. Ope, never mind. He's still not done.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
