Politics
Google Translate Adds Biden Option

MENLO PARK, CA—Google announced today a new addition to the company's array of languages that Google Translate can handle: Joe Biden.

Now, you can punch in any phrase Biden said, and Google will provide a handy translation. Google says it took so long to add the feature because Biden is one of the more difficult languages to translate. It has long baffled linguists around the world as they try to parse the complex, often seemingly meaningless phrases.

"It's important that every American be able to hear and understand their president, and we at Google are proud to bring his words to more people around the world," said one programmer. "Just punch in some of Biden's smart, wise words, and we'll tell you what he actually meant."

We tried a few popular Biden quotes, and here's what Google Translate came back with:

  • "I'll lead an effective strategy to mobilize trunalimunumaprzure." = "I am a smart and excellent president with many great policies for the country."
  • "CornPop was a bad dude." = "I believe in equality and the American dream for all races."
  • “And the kids used to come up and reach in the pool and rub my leg down so it was straight and then watch the hair come back up again.” = "I believe in education and healthcare for all of our young people."
  • "Kids in cages" = "Overflow facility for unaccompanied minors."
  • [Silence] = "I, Joe Biden, your great president, have definitely not fallen asleep. I am merely recharging since I have so many great ideas that sometimes it makes my brain short-circuit."

Seems like it's working great!

Google has been working on a Trump translation option, but every translation just says "I am a bad orange man."


A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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