WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced a plan on Monday to open up the Strait of Hormuz later this week by sending in Aquaman, a superhero he claims is finally useful.
"Good news, you're finally useful," Trump said, greeting Aquaman as the superhero arrived at the Oval Office. "I've got a special mission for you and, believe me, you're going to have to talk to a lot of fish. Nobody can talk to fish like you can, everyone says so. I guess that's the only thing you can do, is that right?"
Aquaman was reportedly miffed by his reception at the White House, but confirmed that he would set his feelings of inadequacy aside to help the American cause despite the fact that he's from Atlantis and has no real stake in what happens to the United States. "It's just good to feel appreciated," he said. "For a change."
Formerly, Trump had insisted that the United States would never need to call on Aquaman for aid. "This guy talks to fish. Who needs to talk to fish?" Trump had reportedly said of the hero while discussing military strategy with his generals. "No, I think this is a job for Superman." But Superman was flying around in outer space for some reason and was unavailable for the top-secret mission.
At publishing time, Iranian forces were slightly inconvenienced by all the fish Aquaman told to go to the Strait of Hormuz.
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