SAMARIA — Following yet another generation of Abraham's descendants being struck down for serving Baal, God reportedly wondered how many Israelites He would need to smite for worshipping idols before they got the message.
The latest smiting took place this week after Israel's King Omri led the nation in yet another mass sacrifice to the Canaanite idol, drawing swift wrath from the Almighty God and leading to another large swath of Israel's population being wiped from the face of the earth.
"We're not sure how many times they'll need to be taught this lesson," said one of Heaven's spokesangels. "The Lord has been quite explicit from the beginning. I mean, seriously, just look at the first two commandments. No other gods before Him and no graven images. It doesn't get any clearer than that, right? Yet, somehow, they keep doing the same dumb stuff over and over, and He keeps just laying waste to them. Maybe they'll get it figured out at some point."
The Israelites remained strangely hopeful that their continued worship of idols would eventually pay off. "If at first you don't succeed, yeah?" asked Amariah, a member of the tribe of Ephraim. "I get that God strictly forbade our ancestors from worshipping any other gods, but we're just going to keep on doing it. Sure, we've seen vast numbers of our fellow countrymen get killed off for it, but hey, we've got to get back up, dust ourselves off, and try again."
At publishing time, King Omri's son, Ahab, was reportedly confident that it would be ok if he worshipped Baal even if God ended up killing his dad for worshipping Baal.
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