HEAVEN — Faced with questions following the headline-making sermon delivered by a girl priest at the National Prayer Service, God clarified through a messenger that "Wherever two or three are gathered in my name, I am with them" doesn't apply to Episcopalians.
Controversy swirled following the sermon, in which Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde chastised Trump and Vice President J.D. Vance to their faces and urged them to adopt policies more favorable to immigrants and members of the LGBTQ community. A representative of Heaven quickly made it known that God was distancing Himself from the girl priest's sermon.
"The Lord wanted to make sure everyone was clear on this," said a spokesangel. "In His Word, where it says, ‘Wherever two or three are gathered in my name, I am with them,' He was referring to people who actually follow Him and obey His commands. This was in reference to Christians, not Episcopalians."
"Thanks for the opportunity to clear this up."
When asked if the verse could be applied in any instance to Episcopalians, the spokesangel reiterated God's stance. "No. They have to be actual Christians." the messenger said. "I'm not sure how many ways we need to spell this out."
At publishing time, the Episcopalian Church had issued an official statement condemning God as homophobic.
We're prophets here at The Babylon Bee. So for your benefit, we put together these 100% accurate predictions for 2025.