VIRGINIA - In a statement issued from on high, the Almighty has agreed to spare the state of Virginia from His imminent wrath if state officials can locate just ten Democrats who never wore blackface or a KKK costume at some point in their lives.

God had announced His plan to immediately destroy Virginia, but Democrat leaders quickly begged him to spare the state if they could locate just 50 Democrats who never dressed in blackface. Being unable to do so, they managed to get the Lord to reduce the requirement to 40, then 30, then 20, and finally just 10.

Virginians' relief, however, quickly turned to panic as Democrat lawmakers announced they couldn't find a single leftist politician who hadn't dressed in a horrifically racist costume in their college years. They thought they found one but he was accused of sexual assault and so didn't count.

The state's citizens immediately began gathering their things and fleeing for other states, being careful not to look back.