WASHINGTON, DC — Protestors involved in the actions on January 6th, 2021 admit they wish they had just labeled themselves as "legal observers" and avoided all the arrests and stuff.
"That's such a good idea!" Jacob Paulson told friends. "It seems like if you say you're just there as a ‘legal observer, ' the democrats will let you do whatever you want. I bet Nancy Pelosi would have just let that guy take her lectern if he had just called himself a ‘legal observer.' What were we thinking?"
Following weeks of unrest in Minnesota, many self-proclaimed ‘legal observers' have been arrested for blocking ICE operations, assaulting law enforcement, and generally obstructing justice. Democrats hail the protests as just and virtuous and remind protestors they just have to call themselves ‘legal observers,' and they can do anything they want.
Many people who were arrested on January 6th realized they should have called themselves ‘legal observers' so democrats would have supported their efforts. "It's so obvious, why didn't I think of that before!" Paulson remarked.
"I'm a legal observer! Now hand me that Molotov cocktail, I'm gonna yeet it at some of these Nazi ICE agents," one observer told a friend.
At publishing time, January 6th protestors also wish they had remembered to ask if someone would pay them to protest, as they did all their stuff for free, and everyone in Minnesota right now seems to be on George Soros's payroll.
Minnesota is the place to be!
