Finding a pastor can be a tall order. Putting specific criteria in place can make all the difference.
The Babylon Bee is here to help churches everywhere with the following list of things to look for when choosing a pastor:
Ability to pull out a good Hebrew or Greek word now and then: It really makes them sound like they know something about the Bible, even if they don't.
Willing to work for what ends up being approximately $2.50/hour: It's not like he needs to eat every single day. He's just a pastor, after all.
Diehard NFL fan: Guarantees you'll be out of service before noon.
Doesn't tell the congregation to turn to their neighbors and repeat something more than once per sermon: Once is bad enough.
Must enjoy a wide variety of casseroles: It is written, "man shall not live on bread alone, but by all the casseroles made by old ladies."
Willingness to preach boldly against sins you don't personally commit: He can keep his trap shut when it comes to whatever you struggle with.
No more than 6 disqualifying sins in his past: Have to draw the line somewhere.
Must be friendly and always available, but not all up in your business: What you do Monday-Saturday is your business.
Experienced in using props while preaching: It makes the sermons much more entertaining, which is what it's all about.
Accepts tithes in IOUs: That's just as good as money.
Is a man: This one's non-negotiable.
Checking as many of the boxes listed above is a recipe for an ideal shepherd of the flock. What other qualities should a church look for in a pastor? Post your ideas in the comments.
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