ELLISVILLE, MO—Talk about 4D chess: this church introvert is wearing a mask to every service so that everyone will think he has coronavirus and not shake his hand or interact with him in any way.
The churchgoer, Chris Waldo, got the idea when he saw some Asian people walk by at a mall wearing face masks and everyone gave them a wide berth.
"This mask is like magic -- I wear it and people just assume I'm walking death," he told reporters after the service. A church greeter then approached him to say hi, saw the mask, and dove behind the coffee bar instead.
"See? It's the perfect plan." Through every church greeting time, Waldo now just stands there cheerily, smiling at everyone, and not a single soul asks him how his week is going or says, "God is good, brother!"
Waldo says he simply plops himself down in his favorite spot in the back pew and everyone scatters. "I don't even have to reserve the rest of the pew with bulletins."
"I am living my best life now."