U.S. — The gender gap was once again proven to be real as a woman was only awarded 78% of the vote that a man got.
"There are gender gaps in pay, sports, and — now we know for certain — in politics," said Dr. Rip Scranton, a professor of gender studies and statistics at Harvard University. "What kind of sad world do we live in where a woman can only receive 78% of the votes that a man gets?"
Pundits offered a variety of explanations for the cold, hard reality of the gender gap. "It's probably because a female's vote is only worth 78% of a man's vote," said Lauren Bull, a lifelong resident of Seattle. "Plus, our donations to political parties are only worth 78% of a man's donations. This truly is the Handmaid's Tale."
Several news anchors pointed to the result as further evidence that Kamala Harris was a flawless candidate, weighed down only by her lack of a Y chromosome. "Clearly she was perfect, but if you can only receive 78% as many votes as a man, you'll never win. It's just math," said MSNBC's Rachel Maddow. "Ugh, men!"
At publishing time, experts warned the voting gender gap was a result of climate change.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
