PORTLAND, OR — According to sources, local gay couple Garth Millens and Chaz Nimby are celebrating the birth of their new son who was incubated in the fruitful womb of a poor woman they rented to bear them a child. To mark the momentous occasion, the couple awarded their surrogate with a lovely red robe and oversized white bonnet.

"May the Lord open the womb of his handmaid. Blessed be the fruit!" said Garth Millens as he presented the gift. "Can you wear this for our pregnancy photo shoot, please please PLEAAASSSEE?"

"Actually, we're not asking you. We're paying you $20K to carry a baby and wear this dress and if you don't, you're fired," replied Chaz Nimby. "Blessed are the submissive! Now, put it on!"

The surrogate, an immigrant named Rosita Sanchez, is currently due to bear a healthy baby boy in November. Provided there are no birth defects or genetic imperfections, which according to her contract, would require her to have an abortion.

Reports claim that rented handmaids are a booming industry, with thousands of handmaids used to birth children for the wealthy every year. Some people claim the practice is cruel, dehumanizing, and exploitative, but experts say those sources are homophobic and anti-feminist.

At publishing time, Sanchez had escaped back to Mexico, forcing the couple to find a new handmaid.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.