Politics
News Outlets Now Calling Beijing For Biden

BEIJING—Early on Election Day, news outlets are already reporting that all precincts in Beijing China have been called for Democrat Joe Biden. CNN has assured the public that the voting was free and fair and that the will of the people in the People's Republic of China was loud and clear.

"We know that Chinese votes don't count in American elections yet," said CNN anchor Don Lemon, "but that needs to change. Chinese people are people too. Our oppressive system of government shuts out the voices of billions of innocent Chinese people every year. The official position of the Trump regime is this: Chinese lives don't matter."

"The voice of Beijing is loud and clear tonight," said Lemon, his eyes filling with tears. "Will we ignore their cry? It's time to hold true to our principles and award China's 789 electoral votes to Joe Biden."

Several Democrat-led states are suing to allow Chinese votes to be counted because of words like love, equality, and democracy. These cases are expected to make it to the Supreme Court where an ACB vote will be crucial.

Supporters of Chinese votes have also taken up the cause by putting up "No Chinese Humans Are Illegal" signs in their yards.

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