CANTON, MI—The shoppers and staff at a local Michigan supermarket are filled with fear and awe after a fiery blast from the heavens consumed one poor soul who carelessly wandered from the handy "social distancing" markings on the floor.
According to witnesses, the victim, identified as Toby Donaldson, approached the check-out line not wearing a mask. Distracted by a notification on his phone, he wandered more than 2 feet away from the giant black "X" on the floor that clearly marked where he was supposed to stand.
In an instant, a pillar of flame consumed the wayward violator of COVID guidelines.
"We tried to warn him," said store manager Bob Floblah. "The floor is clearly marked. I gave him a stern look. Even the other shoppers in line glared angrily at him. I guess the Almighty just got fed up with it."
People from across the state have come to pay respects to the poor soul who fell beneath the heavy hand of God's wrath. Many have renewed their commitment to abiding by all COVID restrictions in light of this terrifying sign from above.
Some say the troubles are just beginning after Governor Gretchen Whitmer announced she will be mandating social distancing marks on the freeways as well.