WASHINGTON, D.C.—After exhausting all legal avenues available, President Donald Trump penned a letter to Santa Claus this week, asking him to overturn Biden’s election win. An anonymous source was able to smuggle a copy of the letter out of the White House hidden inside an unwanted fruitcake, which the Bee has obtained.
My Dearest Santa,
My name is Donald Trump, and I’m 74 years old. My address is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC. (It’s the big white house.) I am writing to ask you to overturn the totally rigged U.S. election and declare me President of the United States for another four years.
I have been a good boy all year long. Many people are saying that anyway. I made peace in the Middle East, got a vaccine delivered in RECORD time, and even helped Melania in her garden. If anyone deserves to be President, it’s me-- not Sleepy Joe Biden, who has been a naughty cheater and fraud all year long.
My friend Mike Pence says that you’re not real, but I still believe in you. I know you bought that house for Susan Walker and that awesome BB gun for Ralphie Parker. I’m sure that you can make me president too.
If I’m reelected, I promise to never ask you for anything ever again. (Except maybe some new golf clubs.)
Your best friend, maybe ever,
President Donald J. Trump
P.S. As a bonus, I promise to make fewer flights in Air Force One to fight global warming so your house at the North Pole doesn’t melt.
P.P.S. If you happen to have a gift for Melania in your bag, please bring it along. I haven’t been able to get to Walmart to get her something since I got sick in October.
P.P.P.S. If you’re able to drop some beautiful, clean coal in Nancy Pelosi’s stocking, I won’t stop you.