LOS ANGELES — According to sources, federal agents confronted a group of Antifa rioters who were in the middle of burning down a courthouse so they could ask them if they'd seen any dangerous MAGA around.
"Hey friends, you see any of them dangerous MAGA around?" a special agent later identified as David Friedkin reportedly asked while attempting to shield his face from the blaze. "It is imperative that we find them before they do something dangerous like calmly walk inside a federal building or vote for the wrong presidential candidate."
Witnesses claim one of the Antifa rioters was kind enough to stop throwing Molotov cocktails so he could answer. "Well golly gee wiz, mister! No MAGA types here, but that sure does sound dangerous!"
"But we've been pretty busy burning down this building. Buildings don't burn themselves!" the loveable scamp added.
"Thank you, citizen," the agent allegedly said before running across the street to assault a bystander who was wearing a red hat.
Federal authorities are asking all American citizens to be on the lookout for dangerous MAGA extremists. If you suspect someone of being a MAGA, please contact the authorities immediately, or at least throw Molotov cocktails at them.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
